I’ve been single “again” since 2011 and in my adjustment to the “new age” version of dating I have witnessed the perception of gender roles that do not reflect the mentality from previous decades. My mother always taught me that a woman is sought after by a man. She doesn’t chase, seduce or manipulate to obtain one. That made sense to me, it fit in line with my spiritual beliefs and it was modeled in my community.
Things are much different today, or at least the views are more visible in light of our access to social media. Like many who share a Facebook page, I’ve joined a few “singles groups”- not necessarily to find anyone but more to have a network of people who are in the same season of life. As a result, it is not uncommon for questions regarding what men and women are looking for to appear multiple times a day as a discussion feed. What has truly amazed me about these posts are the increasing number of women who proclaim that they are wiling to pursue a man if they see one they desire to get to know. The logic expressed is 1-I know what I want 2- I’m tired of waiting for men to approach me 3-If I wait for him to ask me out I’ll stay single 4-Men in the group aren’t engaging 5- I’m independent and have no problem asking a man out.
I find it disturbing that my sisters feel the need to pursue a man in order to get one to acknowledge that he is interested in her or even to go as far as asking for a date. Let me be clear, I would ask a guy would he like to join me for coffee or to workout in the park but only if he and I have been conversing (at his initiation) and we were already developing a friendship. I would never, however, see someone in a group (since this is the current example) and actively pursue him if he hadn’t shown any interest in me. Why? Because the man was created to prowl (if you will) and pursue his mate. That is the nature of a man. I honestly believe that when women take on the role of being the pursuer, she also risk being perceived as wanting to also assume the roles of protector, provider and head. The world’s view of “anything goes” has damaged our ability as females to wait for the one that would seek us out and find us, rather than chasing them and taking claim in fear that otherwise they wouldn’t. This is what I believe transpires when women pursue; the men become lazy and stop pursuing us, the expectation of initiating to the women diminishes and we loose our edge of being sought after. The bottom line is if we pursue them we remove their innate ability to desire us!
Proverbs 18:22 New King James Version (NKJV)
22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
And obtains favor from the Lord.